19 October, 2011

Can I please complete a thought?

Yeah.  That's a real problem.  Over at the other space - everyone is rehashing their justifications, pointing fingers and well ... enjoying their not being in the spotlight.  Truth for all of them seems to be a malleable concept.  As long as their "truth" is not in the spotlight - or bits are uncovered that conflict with their portrayal of self ... they are silent.  Or behind the scenes gleefully rubbing hands and cackling.  


What's the most interesting part of all of this is the idea of persona.  We all have to agree and recognize that we are only portraying and sharing a part of the essential who we are in our writing.  That as true to ourselves we try to be, and as descriptive and concise with the words we choose - everyone, literally every person who reads this has a different opinion of who I am. 

Some are quite close to who I actually am - but, my dirty secret is that I am ( and always have been ) far more focused and well-spoken in the written word than in person.  Sure - there is editing, but I don't use it that often.  I like the shape and the flow of words in the written form, that connection and focus of just getting the thought out there, without interruption, that allow me to stay focused and optimize my time.  In person, I am quite quiet, and oh so easily distracted, one thought leads to another - or I can pick up a word and have a whole parallel and completely unconnected series of thoughts, words and sentences about that.  So the written me is the 'best' version of the spoken me - the thoughts are the same - just better organized. 


It's this dichotomy that has led me to toss away more ideas than I have kept. Or to stall out midway through the idea, and since I am one who doesn't often spend time writing before I log into my blog and write - I have to have my idea pretty well flushed out and thought through before tapping away to the keyboard. 


So - take this as a small placeholder as an "I am thinking" and will have something worth writing about soon.  


I hope. 


Perhaps when my muse returns from her world tour.